Weltmeisterclaude

Stay awake

I don’t wanna go to school today
I don’t wanna go
I just wanna play guitar all day
You act like you’re the only one who has problems
You act like you’re the only one who’s ever gotten strung out on pills, pills
I don’t wanna have to do the things that people have to do
I’m not a person I’m just an object to you
Like books and shoes
You act like you’re the only one with a chemical imbalance
You’re not the only one who’s ever looked into a flash
Stay awake
Stay awake
I don’t wanna stay awake
Don’t wanna stay awake
Stay awake
Stay awake
I’m gonna go to sleep
Stay awake
Stay awake
I’m gonna go to sleep

Lyrics used without permission. This is, of course, the inimitable Juliana Hatfield. Who rocks.

Why? Well it’s something I’ve thought about a bit today. I had a few days out of the office, then, having negotiated my 615am alarm I threw myself half-heartedly into my day. By 730am I was in a daydream, and by 830 I had read a bit of my book (Vineland by Thomas Pynchon) but was still no nearer to being awake. I listened to Rage Against the Machine, and then the underrated Copper Blue by Sugar (is Bob Mould gay? not that it matters, but I think I read it somewhere). But still half-asleep. I marched through today’s essential tasks, and by 5pm was on my way out again. In between I did some stuff and sighed a bit, and postured a bit, and probably gave off the air of someone trying to act all important and busy. Whatever, I was a zombie, and it’s not the first time. In fact, it’s damn near every day, and dare I say it, I prefer it that way.

EB White, in “One man’s meat” (1944), said:

Once in everyone’s life there is apt to be a period when he is fully awake, instead of half asleep

Only once? Oh dear. I guess I’m still waiting, which is about the most damning thing I’ve ever said about myself. I’m happy, don’t get me wrong, but if there’s anything that the Way of the Beard should stand for it’s the desire to be all present and correct at all times. I think that parts of Buddhism have a similar thrust, the quest to be present in the moment rather than ghosting through it ad infinitum. It really is something I have to sort out, and fast.

So the beard learning of the day? Be here now I guess.